Shallow Dance

by Matty Sullivan

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Rambling Nonsense

As far as I can tell, no one can see me.

I’m at the coffee shop, hanging out in the study room. It’s 8:11 in the morning and I’m the only one in here. And I just realized that even though I’m in a public place, one relatively well-frequented, there’s not a single person around, and no one within eyesight—so unless they have a security camera on me, I am completely unobserved.

What does this mean? It means nothing. Or nothing I’m aware of. Any moment, surely by the end of this sentence, someone is going to walk in here and see me. It’s inevitable.

Nope. Still here.

I don’t know why, but this bothers me. Maybe because I have nothing else to be bothered by this morning. That’s not true. I’ve got plenty of things that’ll do the trick. I’m not going to go into them because they are all terribly boring, even more boring than wondering if the world has forgotten about me for the past ten minutes.

Okay, here we go. A fellow just walked into the room. He looked around once and left. I guess he was looking for someone.

I wonder if he saw me. I should have screamed at him.

Anyway, I had a thought last night. Each morning it takes me something like half an hour to write a page. If I wrote at that pace for five hours a day, I would average ten pages. At the end of a month, that’s three hundred pages. That’s not bad. That’s a fair-sized book. Of course, the question is what to write about. Rambling nonsense, is my guess.

“Rambling Nonsense”, by Me. Maybe instead of five hours a day, I’ll just do this blog for a year and then compile the year’s entries into a book. Same title. Submit it to Harper and Row or whoever the hell will look at it. I’m sure they’ll jump on it like a duck on a june bug. Superstar. So long suckers, I’m leaving on book tour. Random hotel rooms in every major city in America. Morning talk shows, late-night talk shows, radio interviews. Before you know it, I’ll have a movie adaptation in the works, something about a guy sitting in a coffee shop wondering if he’s the last person alive in the world, never suspecting he is the subject of a secret government experiment to find out what happens when a man is completely avoided by every person in the world. The movie ends when the guy goes home and reads a book. Starring Scarlett Johansson in drag, directed by Steven Spielberg in drag.

Okay, now there’s another person in here—a lady. She can’t see me because she has her back to me. Ha!

Okay, I’m done. Sorry.

If you wonder or about my sanity, please stop. I’m absolutely fine. I feel normal, like a person would if they were normal. That’s more than can be said for normal people.