Shallow Dance

by Matty Sullivan

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Status Quo, Maintained

Well, I woke up. I must have slept wrong because the left side of my neck hurts. By the way, sleeping wrong is something only humans know how to do.

I didn’t post yesterday because I was tired of writing stupid shit. Two days in a row of lecturing and pontificating turned me right off. Sometimes a reset is in order.

Good morning. I hope you slept well and are feeling fine. The sun has been up for half an hour and I am slowly approaching ramming speed. If I wanted to, I could run straight across the room and leap out the window. I won’t deny the idea intrigues me, but I’m not going to do it. What’s stopping me? Self-preservation, I guess. Or laziness. If the fall didn’t kill me, I’d have to come back up the stairs and fix the window.

I don’t have a problem being lazy. Doesn’t bother me at all. Who said I have to do stuff? Who’s the authority on that? The edge of the Universe is 78 billion lights years away in every direction. What percentage of existence depends in any way on my actions? I could do the dishes or I could leave them until tomorrow. Which will it be, Bob? Door Number One or Door Number Two? Oh, man! I can barely stand the suspense! How much time do we have to decide?

In the end, lazy people work just as hard as the others but their efforts are reactive, not proactive. Procrastination creates the emergencies of their life, and eventually they experience the crisis. Then—just before it’s too late—they rally all of their energy into a bombastic frenzy of action, focusing all their powers and mental faculties into a hard-driving wedge of problem-solving. The day is saved! Status quo, maintained. Nothing new is created, but we still have food and hot water.

I spend much of my time wishing I had nothing which needed doing. Even the things I enjoy begin to feel like obligations. Surprisingly, this blog is not one of them. I don’t mind waking up early every morning to work on it. Knowing myself, I bet that would change if I was somehow making money from it. It would become just another job. “Oh geez, time to get up and do this shit again. What a drag.” But for now I’m enjoying it, especially since I nipped in the bud my pretentious output of the last few days. I guess I don’t mind preaching, but only if it springs naturally from the situation. I can no longer allow myself to sit down with an agenda already in mind. The results are too dreadful.