15 Things I Learned at Bonnaroo 2015
1. It gets hot in Tennessee. Verrry hot.
2. Believe it or not, people enjoy being nice to each other. All they're waiting for is an agreement: I'll be nice to you and you be nice to me. Once everybody puts their trust in this agreement, things go wonderfully.
3. Even hipsters love "Highway to Hell", especially when it's Billy Joel on guitar and a 65-year old roadie named Chainsaw on vocals. (Seriously, check it out on youtube.)
4. No matter how many magic mushrooms you eat, you can't run through a plywood fence.
5. Before taking psychedelics, be sure to tell the people around you. This gives them the chance to warn of any potentially confusing situations which may arise while you are on drugs. (Example: "Hey man. Before you eat those mushrooms, be advised: the next time you see me, I may be wearing a giant lion's head.")
6. In the midst of Hell, Heaven is a shade-tree. And the slightest breeze is a kiss from God.
7. There are people in the world who, when they see beautiful and expertly rendered graffiti, feel compelled to fuck it up by covering it with shitty and poorly rendered graffiti. These people are assholes.
8. Sometimes girls decide to walk around topless, with their naked breasts glittered and painted with cool designs. But they still get mad when you stare at their tits.
9. A lot of people hate Kanye. With a passion. They can't get enough of him. Even when he's not around and has nothing to do with the present situation, they will take every available opportunity to say, "Fuck Kanye."
10. The people most excited about playing Frisbee are the ones who can't throw for shit.
11. Same for Hackey-Sack.
12. When a giant crowd of hot, sweaty, dirty, drunk people are walking from one area of a festival to another, everyone in the crowd will spontaneously begin to sing the chorus of "Just A Friend." Over and over and over. It keeps them from eating each other.
13. When it gets really hot outside, fresh-squeezed lemonade is better than sex.
14. If the United States economy ever becomes based upon high-fives, Manchester, Tennessee will become the new Wall Street.
15. Once a year is not enough.