From Shallow Dance
There are times when a drastic loss of rationality and moderation is exactly what the situation calls for.
from "Shallow Dance"
Do it now! Choose insanity! Fling yourself headlong into oblivion, and don't bother asking where you'll land--nobody knows!
from "Heavy Things"
Sometimes it's hard to be satisfied with life--not because there's anything wrong with it, but because there are people who work hard to keep us unhappy. They're called advertisers.
from "Hot Horse Piss"
This morning I wasted my time reading gloomy headlines and apocalyptic conspiracy theories. None of them bothered me at all. But you know what does bother me? I have a dog and I have a cat, and the dog keeps eating the cat's food. The cat does not care, but I do. Why? I don't know. I keep chasing the dog away from the food, I've even spanked him on the butt. That's right, I've been violent to this animal because he was eating something I did not want him to eat. If I could speak his language I would explain it to him, and then I would realize how ridiculous I am. Poor dog. All he wants to do is please me, and he stands not a chance in Hell.
from "Poor Dog"
One time a friend and I went to McDonald's for lunch. This was many years ago, when I was still okay with eating at McDonald's. I don't remember what I had, but my friend Henry had a Big Mac. After eating half of it, he called the manager over. "This is the worst hamburger I've ever eaten," he said to the manager.
The manager apologized. Then, as a solution to Henry's dissatisfaction, the manager gave him five coupons--for free Big Macs. It was as far from brilliant as anything I've ever seen.
from "Poor Gandhi"
I have to admit it: there's nastiness in my stomach and hard pain behind my eyes. Formalities have become a burden, just another source of degradation. It's as if we are desperate for a chance to turn ugly--all we need is an excuse, someone to blame ourselves on. Some poor bastard takes too long getting out of the way or needs help knowing where to go, and he just stands there dumbfounded while the process grinds to a halt. I've seen it happen, and I've been as hateful as everyone else. The only thing saving me from the flames of Hell is that I keep it to myself.
from "In Fact, It's Happened Before"
Most people don't like God. Why would they? He's always screwing someone over.
Most people like Jesus, though. I know I do. But I'm suspicious of people who say they love Jesus and are ready for him to come back. They're fooling themselves. If Jesus were here, people would hate him just like before. Not to mention if he came back, the first thing he would do is smash all the television sets and burn down all the churches, even the ones with his name on them. He'd be sleeping in the street, surrounded by crackheads.
from "Thirty-Nine Minutes"
I've surrounded myself with things that won't let me sleep. My bad.
from "Excess Shit Absorption"
I have reasons to cry, of course. Everybody does. But if we cried every time we had reason, we would have time for nothing else. Nothing would get done, except things that could be done while crying, and that's a pretty short list.
from "My Tears are Few and Far Between"
We have no right to talk of knowing God. The claim is ridiculous. If you truly knew God for even a single second, you'd go insane--terrifyingly, irrevocably insane. We would not be able to help you.
from "Sliding Headfirst Into the Abyss"